Sometimes I often ask myself why am I on this world?
DOUSHITE?!
Many years passed I still do not know how to answer myself this question.
I'm not like Einstein who invented great stuff for this world,
Not like Mother Theresa who helped the poor and touched the world with her heart,
Not like Dong Bang Shin Ki who produces such great songs for their world and touched us with their innocence, hard work, maturity and pure heart.
Who am I, what am I doing in this world and what impact am I supposed to have in this world?No one can tell me.
Yeah people might say God have a plan for me but it has already been 18 years and 6 months why hasn't he show me my path.
There were many things that I've done that hurt people, that I have regretted doing it.
There were also many things I've done to make people around me proud, that I would also done it if I were to live life once more.
I have met good and bad people, have been a good and bad person, made clever and stupid decisions.
I would not know where I am heading to and where I would end up in life.
I would not know whom I might meet or what I might face in different stages of my life.
But on top of all these past and unknown things, what I know is no matter what happened or will happen, I am still the Zhenyi that everyone knows.
I'm still the Zhenyi that will laugh and smile with all her strength and cry quietly by herself to prevent people from worrying for her.
The Zhenyi that would try all her might just to make people laugh even if she sacrifices.
The Zhenyi that would be confident and succeed at times and be a chicken and fail during other times.
The Zhenyi that is sensitive and can be emotional any time.
I'm would still be the Zhenyi that will work hard for anything that she decides to fulfill.
Will still be the one who truly thank those people who have been by her side no matter rain or shine.
Will still treat those people she appreciate truly.
Will always keep the faith :]
And now I'll thank those people who have always been by my side regardless of whether I was happy, sad, angry, confused, crazy or stressed.
Thank you my loved ones.
I thank my clique for being by my side during my Secondary 3&4 period. That was the happiest time of my life. Maybe because that was the time I left my hostel and got freedom but I am sure that you guys have impacted me a lot. I remembered how 'BESTFRIEND' clique came about was when Elaine and Crystal called each other BESTFRIEND like as if no one else have one. Then Jiamin and I also started calling each other BESTFRIENDS cause we wanted to disturb both of them. Gradually, Sherlyn and Audrey Wong started to came in. And Audrey became my 'CLOSEFRIEND”, Crystal my 'EXTRAORDINARY FRIEND' and Elaine my 'BESTEST'. To think of it quite childish huh?! HAHAHA!!! But then during our Secondary 4 EFL camp, we got close to Judy, Liling, Ginwei, Wendy, Charmaine and Tricia. And we form another clique with Audrey, Crystal and Jiamin (which is the current clique). Maybe because we were 'actives' so Judy, Liling and I clique together especially well. We did all the stupid stuff together. Playing basketball in the bloody hot sun till we soaked our pinafore with perspiration. Eating ice cream during thunderstorms and playing in the rain till teachers came to tell us off. Getting caught by principal and discipline masters cause of our hair and uniform. Setting the trend by playing captain's ball during recesses and dragging away the chairs to prevent people from scoring; pulling uniforms to they can't run away from us; snatching ball away from bimbos and CHASING TRICIA WITH THE BALL! (note: Tricia claims that she's some star player in basketball during the P5 period but she's darn scared of the ball. To the point of crying when the ball gently hit her!) I, too, spend a lot of happy times with my clique. When celebrating our clique members' birthday, we do not eat the cakes. We used it to smash them instead. I love that cause I am always the main culprit :). We would also go for porridge buffet at tiong bahru every chinese new year celebration and national day celebration and would compare who ate the most. The record now is 7 bowls by helen (another friend who is super petite). But no matter what happen I still love them the most.
Wendy: Hmmm. I have forgotten how we got close. Perhaps is because we lived near each other and we got nothing to do during the weekends, MAJONG! Among the whole clique you are the one that settle down the fastest in regardless of work or relationship wise. Many times we gossiped about others together, telling each other how we quarreled with our friends, complaining how immature my other friends are, but I have forgotten I'm not that mature either. Ahaha! You said that I'm crazy because DBSK is the only thing revolving around my world. But I have made the decision to support them forever. It is just like me making the decision to stay with this clique forever. To be with each and everyone of you. Supporting each and every single one of you... Now that I'm gonna move house to Boon Lay, I guess we can't meet up that easily. It would not be like last time, one phone call to each other and we'll meet. But that won't be our barrier. Just inform each other earlier and we can also meet :) yeah?
Jiamin: BESTFRIEND! I'll always remember you insisting that your clothes shrank instead of you growing fat!!! And always remember your retarded face that is on the school's banner!! Still remember we used to compete the speed of us doing Amaths and always disturbing Ms Sim cause of the dirty fingers and little pinky! Remember the times when we're crazy about GONG? Okay that is embarrassing. Better not spread huh?! I somehow missed those times we're in the office together at SAFRA. The times when we confided in each other saying all the unhappy issues we have with each other. Maybe that's why our friendship could last so long. The most regretful thing that I've done is not being by your side when you needed me the most. When you broke up with bee, when your grandma passed away, when you are so stressed up cause of life. Jiamin, sorry and thank you. Sorry for not being by your side, sorry for making you feel like asking me 'where were you when I needed you the most?' Sorry to making you not turning to me whenever you have issues in your heart. Thank you for being honest to me and spill out all my weaknesses to me. I appreciate that a lot as it make me change for the better. I hope that this trashing session would continue. Hope that from this moment onwards you would turn to me whenever you need a shoulder or a listening ear. I promise I would be by your side FOREVER and I really mean forever. I hope to see you guys walking with me in the future, laughing, crying, smiling and frowning...
Crystal: I love those times when I scare you till you drop. HAHA! I missed those times when we laughed and be crazy together. Remember how I spread the 'LOVE' to you? That was because I want to leave a mark in your life by leaving a scar on your legs(bullshit)!!! HAHA! When I think of crystal, the memories that came into my mind is always funny. Purely because you do not know how to be angry I guess. So even if I pissed you off you'll still be smiling. You are so skinny and fragile that I would always look out for you and worry about your safety. You are always smiling that I will get insecure if you stop smiling for a moment. You are always trying to be so happy that I find it hard to cheer you up even if you are not having a smooth time. There's load of things I wanna tell you but the words just can't reach you. Crystal, I know about those stuff you are going through now and I hope that you would just let me share some of your burden. Everything would be alright at the end of time. Zhenyi will always be here. FOREVER. Sometimes it is okay to show your true feelings to me and not hide your heart all the time. Being unhappy is a suffer. But faking out a smile to someone who knows you for around for 7 years is even more suffering. Bottling up everything would make you blow up one day and trust me the feeling sucks. Yeah. Lastly, compared to the memories I have with you, I appreciate you more than those memories. Comparing the love I have for those memories, it is you, Crystal, that I love even more.
Judy: Wei Ling! I have been friends with you since Sec 1 and the thing that have changed the most is... YOUR HAIR!!! For those who know what I am talking please laugh. From basketball team mate, to good friends, to clique members, to friends that study together for O'levels and then to colleague and now back to clique members. We've sure gone through lots of things yeah? The memories that is the clearest in my mind was the way you cried when our first attempt of Chinese O'level results came out. Before you came in the toilet to cry, I was in the cubicle by myself thinking of the hard work I have put into studying Chinese. I aimed for A1 but in the end I got C6? Big contrast mans! At that time, I was blaming myself, telling myself I'm a big failure and I shouldn't have set so high hopes, etc. all I knew was I'm struggling to stand up back again. At that moment Audrey came in and said 'Zhenyi, you okay?Judy is crying like mad now!' When I heard that I came out of the cubicle straight away. Judy who is always stingy with her tears who never ever let people see her true feelings cried. In front of so many people somemore! After seeing you cry, I have finally found out... I AM NOT ALONE. And we got emo for days man! but that's not the point. We cried together, smiled together, sweat together, frowned together, laughed together get into trouble together and most importantly, we would always be together :) GIRLFRIEND~ LOVE YOU!!!
Audrey: CLOSEFRIEND! Instead of being penpals, we're not 'textpals'. Hahah! Everytime I get emo or when I self-evaluate myself at home I would just send you a text asking you what do you think of this. And everytime without fail you would manage to cheer me up and give me the courage of continue-ing. It's you people who gave me the courage when I am with you guys. Now that I am not spending my everyday-life with you, I felt so good that I can still turn to you whenever I need a talk. But the most regretful thing is thing confiding thingy is only one way. It is always you being by my side but not me being by your side. I still remembered there was once when you were crying in class due to results I think. I felt that there was so many people around you and we were supposed to go to hall for some assembly programme. So i said this 'People, let's go to the hall. Teachers are waiting for 4J'. You'll never ever know how much i regretted saying that. I was not being sensitive to your feelings at all. Then a few weeks later you confronted me saying 'Why can't you just be like other people and console me?!' Maybe you might forgot this incident but I will never ever forget cause it is deep in my heart to remind me to care for others and always put them before me. Audrey, sorry for not being there when you needed me. But I just hope that you would give me another chance to make up for everything. I wanna try having to use my heart to console you everytime you are struggling, wanna try telling you what I feel you should do to keep that courage you have. Give me the chance and I'll do it.
Liling: You sure are a problematic kid mans! Forever cutting yourself! I remembered once I was sitting behind the class with the back door wide opened, the way we always did luh, you ran out with a pen knife in your hand. Someone was chasing you behind, if I'm not wrong is Judy. Anyways I ran out immediately without asking permission of the teacher (anyway we also always do that. haha.) and chased after you until the toilet. But we weren't able to stop you from cutting cause you locked yourself up in the toilet. You won't know how worried we were that time you selfish idiot! The next moment you came out, your wrist is covered with blood! and you can happily take photo of that! Fuck you lar! I seriously din't know how to react and just ignored you for the whole day! But the most touched thing you have ever did to me was to appear for my 18th birthday celebration! After MIA-ing for one year you finally appear again! Haha! Because of this I love you even more mans! But I love your girlfriend more than you! HAHAHAHAH!!!
