love those who love me :D

hai...
been so long since i've blogged.
for those who have been worrying about me.
thanks but no thanks. :D
i know you guys love me and i appreciated it.
but im ZHENYI
so dun worry... i've been through so many things and i can also get over this.

and for those who are also suffering,
persevere and you'll be stronger after everything's over.
thats what ive been doing for the past 18 years :D
being ALONE is not a bad thing,
but its just not a good feeling..
however no one would get whatever they want all the time so lets just accept whatever is given

for those who have people around you ALL the time
its time to cherish them!!
im saying this from past experience
treat them truthfully and they'll do the same to you...
dun always jump to conclusion without thinking twice...

???

sorry friends... so long nv post
well i dunno what to name this post cause 2 things had happen this week..
first my favourite phone dropped into the toilet bowl...
second i got a new phone and its samsung peston!
now my clique is so samsung-fied!!!

FRIEND?!

know something?
im utterly disappointed in you guys...

hahah! you think you guys have passed the age then can fool ard?
hah!
you have change super TTM till i dun understand you!
i dunno you..
if you realised you guys have been very surface with me
so i too will too treat the same way as you did...


i mean you dun even take me serious whenever i talked to you...
so from now on i shant say anything..
THANKS for making me feel like a fool...

THANKS MY FRIEND!!!

A letter to A

Im not gonna say who A stands for cause its meant to be secret but hose who knows about both of us would know... she herself would know im implying to her....

its been 3 years since the days we were happening... Still remember you told me you broke up with her because of me... I mean im not thinking too much right? cause if a person were to say that to anyone, it means she/ he likes that person... Plus you did things that even a girlfriend wont do. Accompanying me to training during holidays was the happiest times i had. knowing that you were looking at me made me wanna work even harder.

It made me happy when you said you like the way i played basketball. it made me feel so much better with you looking at me... but it made me sad when you're emo... felt even worst when you told me age is the only barrier between us... you are only 3 years older than me... perhaps it is because you're OLDER. but i've always thought age wont be the problem between us... the only problem was the love you had for me...

i always thought that time would show you that i am mature enough to take this relationship but... it only shows that we cant be together... to let you know how much i love just wasnt my forte. the hints i dropped werent obvious enough. but till now, although time will slowly make us forget about each other you're still the only one in my heart and im sure you know that... i thought time would gradually make me forget about your existence... but 3 years later you contacted me again. the hope of bith of us to get together grew stronger... so much stronger that i could get the courage to say i love you.

But the thing is you have moved on... but thanks for bringing me happiness for the past few months of contacting me. you wont know how happy was i to wait and receive your texts... i guess its time for me to move on too... its difficult but life isnt easy in the first place...

I often wondered if i werent in my hostel at that time would you be attached to me... if i were to work harder to become a better person would you fall in love with me again... but its no use talking abt it now cause you've got a happy relationship and no longer feel that much for me...

But i still wanna tel you I LOVE YOU A... and i hope that you'll regain your courage that you used to lack in. Dun hurt yourself when you're emo cause that will hurt me too... forget about me but dun for get about those happy times you have had to keep you strong.. i'll learn to let go cause this is the one and only way to show my love for you...

who's the hottest?!

wanqiu says that she's a HOTBABE!
but i think her house no mirror...
but wendy say her house very hot
so ZHENYI AND WANQIU CLAIMS THAT THE REASON IS THEY'RE HERE...
but the hottest is hotbabeCHEN!
know who is she?
the one on the right !
hahahaha!

ZHENYI JUST GOT HER NEW HAIRCUT!
and she love it to the core...

(L)

OUR POM PROJECT!!!

this is the video we did for our project :)

OMG! damn funny right!
and ruby now thinks that the ribena lemon is our token of love!
(see the last scene)



this is the NG part

its damn FUCKING funny when we present it to our class for our POM (principles of management)

but well we got quite high so it was worth it!
but i would always be remembered for the ribena that fell in love with the lemon (ruby)

hahaha! i actually kind of miss the times i did all the project and stuff...
hahah!

TO ALL MY TEAMMATES FOR ALL THE MODULES:

thanks alot for tolerating my bad temper and sorry for letting you guys feel stress while working for me
thanks for covering my part of work while i was MIA-ing
and thanks for not marking me down for peer evaluation...
thanks for giving me the chance :)
I LOVE 1H05 ttm!

dont say goodbye

cant meet your eyes

not able to read you

like a kid who lost its way

just waiting

the truth is

i know what words to speak

its not sincerity, its suspecting

tears are talking

dont say goodbye

hear the heart that

doesnt let go of this hand

i hear your heart

you still want me right?

you cant hide

you cant lie right?

cant allow

this separating lie

look me in the eyes and say

it is not, it is not sincerity

dont say goodbye

hear the heart that

doesnt let go of this hand

i hear you heart

even if the world part from us

even if they say its a hard love

you are my love

you are my soul

dont say goodbye

dont leave me now
the promise shared together is everything for me

dont say goodbye

you are my everything to me

my exhausting day will be forever searching for you

i will love you like a never withering spring

cause you are my everything to me

cause you are my everything to me

THANK YOU~

Thank you..
For staying by my side
Nervous..
Walking this road with you

I love u..
The awkward words that I want to say in front of you
Be blessed..
I must let u live well

Sorry..
For meeting someone like me
Painful..
I’m still lacking in many ways

I will be by your side until the end
I will protect the beautiful you

I pray not to release this hands even if I die
I promise to walk with you until the end of time
Because the extreme love
can be worn out of time
I vow to keep the beautiful memories
And even the days that we cried

Sorry..
For not able to be better
Painful
That I am always lacking in some ways

I will protect you until the end even if it’s hard
I will protect the beautiful you

I pray not to release this hands even if I die
I promise to walk with you until the end of time
Because the extreme love
can be worn out of time
I vow to keep the beautiful memories
And even the days that we cried

Only you can forgive my heart
Even though I am imperfect
Even though I am lacking in many ways
I sincerely want you

Even if the days of difficulties were to come
I will not release the two hands that I hold until the end of time
Because the extreme love
can be worn out of time
I vow to keep the beautiful memories
And even the days that we cried

THANK YOU....
FOR STAYING BY MY SIDE

HAVE YOU EVER?!

Have you ever loved somebody so much

It makes you cry?

Have you ever needed something so bad

You can't sleep at night?

Have you ever tried to find the words

But they don't come out right?

Have you ever?

Have you ever?

Have you ever been in love

Been in love so bad

You'd do anything

To make them understand?

Have you ever had someone

Steal your heart away?

You'd give anything

To make them feel the same?

Have you ever searched for words

To get you in their heart

But you don't know what to say

And you don't know where to start?

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?

Have you ever found the one

You've dreamed of all your life?

You'd do just about anything

To look into their eyes?

Have you fin'ly found the one

You've given your heart to

Only to find that one

Won't give their heart to you?

Have you ever closed your eyes and

Dreamed that they were there

And all you can do is wait

For that day when they will care?

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms, baby?

do I gotta say to get to your heart

To make you understand

How I need you next to me?

Gotta get you in my world

'Cause, baby, I can't sleep

Have you ever loved somebody so much

It makes you cry?

Have you ever needed something so bad

You can't sleep at night?

Have you ever tried to find the words

But they don't come out right?

Have you ever?

Have you ever loved somebody so much

It makes you cry?

Have you ever needed something so bad

You can't sleep at night?

Have you ever tried to find the words

But they don't come out right?

Have you ever?

Have you ever?

If i let you go

Day after day
Time pass away
And i just cant get you off my mind
Nobody knows, i hide inside
i keep on searching but i cant find


The courage to show to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before


And once again i'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out


But if i let you go i will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will i ever see you smiling back at me?
How will i know
If i let you go


Night after night i hear myself say
Why cant this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you
You speak to my heart
Its such a shame we're worlds apart


im too shy to ask, im too proud to lose
But sooner or later i gotta choose
And once again im thinking about
Taking the easy way out


But if i let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will i ever see you smiling back at me
How will i know
If i let you go

If i let you go oh baby
Once again im thinking about
taking the easy way out

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh

But if i let you go i will never know
how my life will be holding you close to me
will i ever see you smiling back at me
how would i know

But if i let you go i will never know
How my life would be holding you close to me
Will i ever see you smiling back at me
How would i know
If i let you go?

im so addicted to this song now thanks to lianghao...
but i love it mans!
thanks i THINK i know what you're trying to convey to me :]

how do i expect people to love me when i dun even love myself...

for the past 2 days i have been working like damn hardworking-ly...
haha!
too bad for those who thinks that i cant live without my previous job...

just got home bathe (i mean really bathe and not shower cause im at pepper lunch the whole day!)
and i went to read lianghao's blog

LIANGHAO IM DAMN FUCKING PROUD OF YOU...
for the past 18 years of my life circumstances made me feel difficult to love people...
or maybe difficult to show them how much i love them...
even in relationships... they often quarrel with me abt me not loving them enough

you see my parents and i are damn fucking not close..
i mean if we were to walk on the streets, with them walking in front and me following at the back, no one would know we are a family...
but if one of them would to leave me.....
i got no fucking idea what i would have become...

but the condtradicting thing is both of them including my brothers 'threw' me into the TENT (the hostel i talked about previously..)



i told myself that if they were to come back into my life i'll hate them TTM!
but when they were finally 'back', i found it hard to face them or even talk to them...
relationship became very on-the-surface
no one could blame me for doing all these rebellious stuff...
cause the more rebellious i get the more they wont want me as their daughter...
this was what i thought...

haha! but as i grow older i thought its a chore to hate them...
but i still cant bring myself to love them...
i mean i dun we even know how old are they, when's their birthday and stuff...
haha! what a failure daughter right?!

and i suddenly rmbed something my principal said when i got caught for my hair...
she said this 'how do you expect ppl to love you or you to love ppl when you dun even love yourself?!'
how true can that be...
i dun even have the courage to love myself...
to trust myself that no matter what i do its for my best...
daniel once said that i must learn to think more for myself...
perhaps he's right to think for myself=to love myself more.
but how?
no one has ever taught me how to...

maybe i should just stop emo-ing...
thats the first step to love myself :]
to stop my heart from bleeding AGAIN

:)

Things i wanna do!

1) catch up with the following people
~ SILAS NEO
~ DANIEL CHAN
~ CRYSTAL CHIN
~ MANY MORE!!!

2) MUG MUG MUG!!!

3) SLEEP!!! i need it...

4) GET RID OF ALL THE STRESS! and bad luck

5) BE HAPPY!!!

omg! for the past 3 days this is what i did

wake up; school; project work @ hx place; mug; 2hrs of sleep; wake up; school; mug; RED BULL-ing; mug; go home; bathe; MUG; red bull; mug; 3hrs sleep; wake up half dead; school; mug; projects; go home; mug; 5hrs sleep; wake up; red bull again; school; projects like mad; mug; IG meeting; go home; die-ing in front of comp now; later, MUG!

how no life can zhenyi be...
well. this is what i must do to let people know im not worthless...

BYUL

the wind is shaking the windows,

and over my small room,

the stars fill up the sky,

shining brightly too many to count,

the stars reassure tired me

they wipe away the many tears that are deep inside me

don’t be hurt too much..
they hug me tight and pamper me
and comfort me,
telling me to go to sleep

though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

My dream is coming.
though it is unusual that my one star is brightit is very bright, even blinding..
it comes down to my shoulder

stop being so sad..
it holds my hand as it touches me
and gives me a warm hug
though I’m exhausted to the point where I can’t walk
though my tears blur my vision
I’ll still smile in front of my love that I’m not able to get

Even though our happy times were short, I’ll treasure it deep inside my heart
like those countless number of stars, forever

Only for today, I won’t cry though my eyes fill with tears
I want to laugh like those stars
Oh~ I want to cherish all my happy moments deep inside my heart
Like those countless number of stars, forever

ZHENYI!!! that i used to be...

I was thinking about the past
and all these came into my mind...

Where the hell is the ZHENYI i used to be

The one who laughed at herself when she needs to do stock-taking by herself for the whole of campstore

The one who cried twice during her first camp over strong characters campers and felt that she herself wasnt competent enough to be a trainer

The one who cried while looking at how campers praised her in the evaluation form when she herself felt that they have short-changed them

The one who have only 3 days to impact campers but dreamt to inspire each and everyone of them

The one who was capable of being the best trainer

The one who was seen as one of his four generals

The one who felt upset when she found out that they interpreted her that she'll leave this team

The one who got so addicted to camps till she was willing to do many back-to-back camps

The one who was not afraid of mula-ating herself in front of the whole camp cohort just to rah-rah them

The one who really found haooiness and joy out of packing the campstore

The one who really enjoyed preparing logistics and setting up the campsite

The one who was so tired that she practically slept on the bicycle track after signing campers' NYAA booklets

The one who cried after he screwed her up for screwing the programmes but recovered and went back to her ownself 3 mins later

The one who really screwed up programmes and teacher commented that she have low EQ but really tried to worked on it

The one who got so happy when campers asked her to sign camp booklets

The one who supported the campfire hosts and lead in the cheering during campfire but got so pissed off when campers dun co-operate

The one who learnt the chest clap within 10 mins and was so proud of herself for doing that

The one who imitated the ways different trainers walked when they were having abrasions

The one who really loved to be one of the nightwalk props even if she would have sandfly bites all over her body at the end of the day

The one who got sandfly bites ALL over her body during Ubin camp and can still laugh about it

The one who can stand not bathing for 5 days when she saw how dirty the water at Ubin was

The one who always say 'JI PA HOR LI CHEH' behind the campers' back

The one who scolded vulgarities softly when she got pissed by campers and swear loudly after camps.

The one who loves to belay people

The one who suspected that she got a stalker that stole her NIKE water bottle during one of the camps

The one who cried so badly when she was being pressured to settle all the questions imposed by him cause she was so stress and angry with herself for not doing a better job

Im a FOOL!!!!

I was a fool.

I was a fool.

My regrets were too late too.

I know that it can't be turned back.

I know that I can't see you too.

I was so wrong, I'm so sorry.

I didn't get to say then, instead I was just being rotten.

So I'm here now pleading for forgiveness with worry

I'm a fool

Because of my pride

I'm ruining myself with alcohol and the bitter taste of cigarette smoke.

I cry my eyes out all day because I still love you

You and I, we both are like fools.

Don't be like that, think about it.

Think about what it took us to get here

Think about it again, you're going to regret it.

I was so wrong, I'm really sorry I didn't get a chance to say then, instead

I was just being rotten.

So I'm here now pleading for forgiveness with worry

I'm a fool

Because of my pride

I'm ruining myeslf with alcohol and the bitter taste of cigarette smoke.

I cry my eyes out all day because I still love you

You and I, we both are like fools.

I can't live a moment without you.

I still cry even no matter how I drink or if I cut my hair.

I'm a fool

Because of my pride

I'm ruining myself with alcohol and the bitter taste of cigarette smoke.

I cry my eyes out all day because I still love you

You and I, we both are like fools.

Don't ruin yourself anymore...

updated post!!!!

haha!
for the past weeks i've been picking up lost items and returning it back to the people in-charge of whatever place.
1st- an i-touch outside com lab.
2nd- a wallet at yoshi

and know what?!
i was having dinner with wanqiu and wendy near wendy's and my house.
AND I LOST MY WALLET WITHOUT KNOWING WHERE I LOST IT!!!!!!!
hahah!
wendy and i tracked all the way back where we had walked.
BUT FOUND NOTHING

then we decided to go report to the police post nearby.
OMG we had a hard time explaining how my magical wallet look like cause that policeman got no fucking idea what's that! HAHAHA
then an eurasian couple came in reporting a lost wallet.
wendy and i was like: NEH THIS IS THE ONE!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaah!

that is why i said i believed in karma!
no matter good or bad!

hahahah!~
another lucky thing happen ytd..
3 of us went to buy this scratchit at some TOTO place.
AND WE WON!!!!!... 3 bucks. hahahaha
1 dollar each! hahaahhah!
that's a good start mans!
we're so going to get one per week.
then one day we would happily win $60,000!!!!
HAHAHAH!!!!!!

went to ROMP'09 on saturday!
WOOHOO!!!
that was a BIG thing mans.
So proud of the organizers
hahah!
they even hired professional referees!

OMG! come to referees!
my referee was damn cute!
till now i still cant forget her mans!
hahah! omg! new eyecandy!
but the sad thing is i can no longer see her!!!!!!!!!!
SHOULD HAVE GOTEN HER NUMBER!!!!!!!!

wendy you must be laughing when you see this mans!
but she's damn HOT tell you!!!!!!!!
1st- you need to have an attitude to be a referee
2nd- you need to have the looks to have an atiitude
3rd- you need to have the shape that goes with your looks
OMG! SHE HAVE IT ALL!!!!

GOD ISNT IT GOOD TO BE ATTACHED?!

MIXTAPE for YOU :D

You say hello, inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight, in my mind
I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart
And I don't know

But you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

You talk to him, and it burns me like the sun
You talk to her, and you say that you feel like he's the one
I talk to me, but you can't hear the pain I feel
You don't know

Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the sad songs ain't so sad
I only wish that there was more than that
About me and you

Oh, don't turn around and say bye again
Yeah it crushes my head when you call me
Your friend and I'm not the same person
From back in the day in the back of the class
That you thought was gay
No I can't find the words cause I lost them
The minute they fell out of my mouth
And it's love and I'm in it, so give me your lips
And just let me kiss 'em
And let's get messed up and listen to probably...

The best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you
About me and you

grow up

OMFG!
so this is the drastic action that will ruin ZHENYI's life
but dun forget zhenyi's not WEAK either.
I'm having a good life without you guys.

let me think what you're doing now.
you brain is working out another way to find trouble to 'ruin' my life
HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
how PATHETIC can that be.
all i can say to you is GROW UP!
wait... you were saying who's the childish one?

the more things you do
the more i become stronger
so no point putting me down all the time
and crack your brains to think of new ways
cause there will always be a rainbow after the thunderstorm
so no matter how difficult my life is now
i'll still be able to live through it!!!

take care and GOOD BYE dude!

get away from my life!

but im still pissed abt what had happened for the past few days.
i still cant believe everything that had happen.
thanks for turning you back away from me so quickly
thanks for forcing me to be bitchy and a fucker
but you know what?
lesbians and gays are no different from those 'normal' people.
we can also strive and work hard
lesbians and gays too have feelings so dun ostracize us.
cause one day we MIGHT be on top of you guys.
I BELIEVE IN KARMA
i wont just give everything a damn.
its just a matter of time for me to get back
AND I WILL


i was so wrong to held on
and i HATE myself for holding
i should have let it go and stop myself from all these sufferings
i dun understand why am i so fucking affected by ALL of YOU
but i believe i can live without you guys haunting me!
i dun feel a need talking to you guys
and i hope i can get rid of you guys in my life ASAP


IM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS SONG!
haha! tongue tied mans!

Bright cold silver moon

Tonight alone in my room

You were here just yesterday

Slight turn of the head

Eyes down when you said

I guess I need my life to change

Seems like something's just aren't the same

What could I say?

I need a little more luck than a little bit

Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit

And every time that I try I get tongue tied

I'll need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit

Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet

Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied

I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I stare up at the stars

I wonder just where you are

You feel a million miles away

(I wonder just where you are)

Was it something I said?

Or something I never did?

Or was I always in the way?

(Was it something I did?)

Could someone tell me what to say to just make you stay?

I need a little more luck than a little bit

Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit

And every time that I try I get tongue tied

I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit

Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet

Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied

I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end

Don't want to be here again

And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

What it takes I don't care

We're gonna make it I swear

And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

Again

I need a little more luck than a little bit

Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit

But every time that I try I get tongue tied

I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit

Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet

Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied

I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end

Don't want to be here again

And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

What it takes I don't care

We're gonna make it I swear

And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

I need a little more luck than a little bit

Cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit

But every time that I try I get tongue tied

I need a little good luck to get me by

I need a little more help than a little bit

Like the perfect one word no one's heard yet

Cuz every time that I try I get tongue tied

I need a little good luck to get me by this time

I know it feels like the end

Don't want to be here again

And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

What it takes I don't care

We're gonna make it I swear

And we could help each other off the ground so we never fall down again

CAN YOU PLEASE TAKE A STEP CLOSER TO ME?

...

sometimes i really dunno if im needed.
there are times which i really cant hold up my promises
or even cant keep up with you guys.
but all i want from you guys is honesty.

if you've got anything you're not happy with just confront me.
dun do it behind my back.
when you do that i wont know what's the problem.
after reflection and assumption i still cant get the answer cause im not you.
UNDERSTAND?

and if you dun think im of great help then ask me to fuck off
dun hang me there like an idiot.
but remember we are a team
i dun want anything to happen to all of us...

im really trying my BEST to help and no one will know how helpless i feel nowadays.
the feeling's back.
the feeling so being a fucking ultimate freaking loser is fucking hell coming back again!
@#!$%^$()&#@$%!!!!!!

but know what?
this time it would be different.
cause over the years i've learnt to be more matured and of course BITCHY...
if you guys know me, zhenyi does not equal to bitchy.
but if the circumstances is pushing me to the wits end...
try me.

im not going to be the ZHENYI that always worry abt ppl and putting them before me.
im gonna live a i, me and myself life!!!!
fuck you if you've got anything to say!
and if you have do it in front of me!
if you got no courage shut your fucking mouth up!!!

for those who are innocent, sorry if you feel disturbed but...
this is MY blog and this is MY life.

guys, if you are trying to look for someone to replace me then give up now,
each and everyone of us are unique.
there are things she cant do i can
there are things i cant do she can.
if you guys trying to say all these SHIT just to make me regret my choice, then fuck you!
im no longer the naive zhenyi that will change her stand easily by your actions!!!!
im no longer the dog that will follow you everywhere you go!
and yar just continue to do things behind my back yar!
once i got enough of it i wont just give it a damn okay?!
JUST TRY ME ALRIGHT?!